you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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