My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
