i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize