you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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