Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
