They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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