your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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