we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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