I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
