he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
