u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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