brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
