He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
