break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
