Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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