I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
