I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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