i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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