well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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