So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
