we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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