I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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