One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
