There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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