angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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