This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
