Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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