Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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