I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
