My brain says no but my pants say off.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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