I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
