I just made out with a guy for $7.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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