Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Houston, we have a blender
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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