I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
