Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is the high leading the old right now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
