I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
