My cat gives me a boner
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
