I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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