can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
