I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When are your genitals available?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
