i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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