you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
