He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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