he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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