I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's shark week go big or go home
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
