um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
