Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
