I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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