Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
