i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
