we made out on top of his cat.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
