You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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