When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
