Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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