She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
