Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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