1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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