Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
